Washington D.C.
August 8, 2002
The following is a NEHKE exclusive transcript of an Oval Office conversation between President Bush and Annoutami Dasi.
Secret Service Agent: Mr. President, the Hare Krishna people are here to see you.
GWB: What are Al Qaeda doing in the building' What's going on'
Secret Service Agent: They are not terrorists. They are from that religious organization. You know - the people that collect money in airports.
GWB: Oh. Yeah right. I mean, of course I know that. I'm just trying to keep you guys on your toes. Can never be to careful you know. [Chuckles] All right send them in, but stay close in case they try anything.
Annoutami Dasi and her male secretary enter and fall at Mr. Bush's feet as he extends his hand.
Annoutami Dasi and secretary in unison: nama om vishnu padaya...
GWB: Hey you can't do that in here, this is the Oval Office, for God's sake.
Secret Service Agent: It's ok, Mr. President. It's their standard protocol when dealing with government representatives.
Annoutami Dasi's secretary holds out a bag of pretzels.
AD: This is holy food from our temple, Mr. President. Please accept it as our gift.
GWB: I like pretzels. Thank you. Would you like a cigar with the presidential seal on it'
AD: Yes, please.
Mr. Bush hands each of them one. AD's secretary starts to light his and AD knocks it out of his hand.
AD: You fool! That has not been offered yet!
AD takes out a little picture of her guru, proceeds to light her cigar and offer it to the picture. Everyone takes a seat.
GWB: So, what brings you to the White House today?
AD: We have this problem with our permit for our annual San Francisco cart festival.
GWB: I like golf carts. I ride in them all of the time.
AD: So does my spiritual master.
GWB: Great minds think alike. What's his handicap?
AD: Seven.
GWB: Impressive. So how can I help with your problem?
AD: They let us have the permit for the tank for our Deities to ride upon, but they have turned down our application for the caravan of Humvees for our leaders to ride in. This is not acceptable. It creates a security problem for us.
GWB: I know all about security problems. Did they give you a reason for denying your application?
AD: They said that we could not have the vehicles in the parade because of the automatic weapons mounted on the roof.
GWB: What do you need such heavy fire power for?
AD: We never know when our leaders might be fired upon. Plus, there might be Al Qaeda agents out to assassinate them, on account of our Hindu roots.
GWB: So in other words, you're saying that Bin Laden or one of his top men might be at the parade and you might be able to take him out for us?
AD: That's exactly what I'm saying, Srila, I mean Mr. President.
GWB: That's enough for me. I'll have your permit for you by the end of the week.
AD: Thank you so much, Mr. President.
GWB: Anything for my voters.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
East India Company Implicated in Academic Bribery
Monday, Feb 16, 2009
Marburg, Germany
In a surprise news shaking the contemporary academic world, documents found in the archives of the Department of Indology, Marburg University, reveal substantial East India Company sponsorship behind global indological research as recently as 2007.
Rumors abound over the objectives and supporting forces behind the company. Senior officer for the British Secret Intelligence Service (SIS), who declined to be identified, has confirmed the presence of East India Company representatives in high-level staff meetings on several occasions.
Sources tell that the Queen of England is still bent on exercising her dominion over colonies of past, supporting the systematic campaign of misinformation interpreting old Indic religious texts as mere animistic ritualism. With the renewed funding of the British Empire, the East India Company is rumored to be educating the Indian masses on the Holy Gospel of Christ under the convenient veil of indology.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Letters to the Editor: August 8th
August 8th, 2002
Dear Sirs,
Please accept my humble obeisances. I am very angry that you refused to run my article about my problem with my guru. As I told you in the story I spent many hours writing and rewriting how he kept stringing me along for over five years telling me how he was definitely going to get a divorce from his wife and marry me. He kept getting cheaper and cheaper hotel rooms for us to meet at and the jewelry gifts went from Tiffiny to costume cubic zirconia. Then after all of that humiliation he tells me that he can't marrry me after all because it would not be Vedic for him to marry his own disciple.
Then I ask him which Veda says that and he just tells me how I am in maya and don't see the big picture and how I should just surrender to Prabhupada's movement and stop just thinking of myself. He would not even use a condom and I always had to take the pill and use a diaphragm, plus he really was not very good in bed. I think my story should be told and you have just ignored me. I do not understand.
Sincerely,
L.D.D.
Dear L.D.D.
First of all, what are humble obeisances? Secondly, it is not our policy to print any articles without being able to verify the facts. If we were to just print every juicy story that comes along, then our readers would start to doubt the integrity of our publication.
If you can at least furnish some other proof about this story (photographs, letters, receipts from jewelry stores, anything more than just the story you sent us), then we could reconsider printing your article. Until then keep with the humble obeisances, whatever that is and don't lose hope. You might just bring us the next Pulitzer prize winning piece or the celebrity scandal photo of the century.
Sincerely,
NEHKE Editor in Chief
Dear Sirs,
Please accept my humble obeisances. I am very angry that you refused to run my article about my problem with my guru. As I told you in the story I spent many hours writing and rewriting how he kept stringing me along for over five years telling me how he was definitely going to get a divorce from his wife and marry me. He kept getting cheaper and cheaper hotel rooms for us to meet at and the jewelry gifts went from Tiffiny to costume cubic zirconia. Then after all of that humiliation he tells me that he can't marrry me after all because it would not be Vedic for him to marry his own disciple.
Then I ask him which Veda says that and he just tells me how I am in maya and don't see the big picture and how I should just surrender to Prabhupada's movement and stop just thinking of myself. He would not even use a condom and I always had to take the pill and use a diaphragm, plus he really was not very good in bed. I think my story should be told and you have just ignored me. I do not understand.
Sincerely,
L.D.D.
Dear L.D.D.
First of all, what are humble obeisances? Secondly, it is not our policy to print any articles without being able to verify the facts. If we were to just print every juicy story that comes along, then our readers would start to doubt the integrity of our publication.
If you can at least furnish some other proof about this story (photographs, letters, receipts from jewelry stores, anything more than just the story you sent us), then we could reconsider printing your article. Until then keep with the humble obeisances, whatever that is and don't lose hope. You might just bring us the next Pulitzer prize winning piece or the celebrity scandal photo of the century.
Sincerely,
NEHKE Editor in Chief
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