August 10, 2002
San Francisco, CA
The City Council yesterday awarded a permit for the local Hare Krishna center to use a military tank for its annual cart festival in Golden Gate Park. An applications for a permit for a caravan of armored Humvees with roof mounted automatic rifle turrets for Hare Krishna gurus to ride in down the parade route was denied, however.
The organization's spokeswoman, Annoutami Devi Dasi, 23, told reporters, "We think updating our traditional chariot to the modern version of the chariot for Their Lordships to ride on will help the conditioned souls relate to our mission, as well as show our support for the president's anti-terrorist campaign. As far as the armored vehicles for our leaders, that was just a standard security measure, but the city does not agree. But they are just in maya. If some stalker wants to take a shot at a guru with a handgun, the guru has every right to have his secretary fire back with an automatic weapon.
"Okay, I know what you're thinking, some innocent bystanders might get gunned down in the spray of bullets, but hey that's not really so bad, because they get to go back to Godhead because they will be having darshan of Shree Jagannath, Shree Baladev and Shreematee Subhadra at the time. And who knows they could even be an Al Qaeda agent, so it would be killing two birds with one stone. We plan to appeal to the White House over this."
Apparently the city offered to make a concession and let the gurus ride in caravan of vehicles with bullet proof glass bubbles so they can wave to the crowds, like the Pope uses, and a bodyguard with a registered handgun accompanying each one, but the offer was rejected by the Krishnas, who stand firm in their request.
Showing posts with label al qaeda. Show all posts
Showing posts with label al qaeda. Show all posts
Monday, March 23, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Interview of President Bush
Washington D.C.
August 8, 2002
The following is a NEHKE exclusive transcript of an Oval Office conversation between President Bush and Annoutami Dasi.
Secret Service Agent: Mr. President, the Hare Krishna people are here to see you.
GWB: What are Al Qaeda doing in the building' What's going on'
Secret Service Agent: They are not terrorists. They are from that religious organization. You know - the people that collect money in airports.
GWB: Oh. Yeah right. I mean, of course I know that. I'm just trying to keep you guys on your toes. Can never be to careful you know. [Chuckles] All right send them in, but stay close in case they try anything.
Annoutami Dasi and her male secretary enter and fall at Mr. Bush's feet as he extends his hand.
Annoutami Dasi and secretary in unison: nama om vishnu padaya...
GWB: Hey you can't do that in here, this is the Oval Office, for God's sake.
Secret Service Agent: It's ok, Mr. President. It's their standard protocol when dealing with government representatives.
Annoutami Dasi's secretary holds out a bag of pretzels.
AD: This is holy food from our temple, Mr. President. Please accept it as our gift.
GWB: I like pretzels. Thank you. Would you like a cigar with the presidential seal on it'
AD: Yes, please.
Mr. Bush hands each of them one. AD's secretary starts to light his and AD knocks it out of his hand.
AD: You fool! That has not been offered yet!
AD takes out a little picture of her guru, proceeds to light her cigar and offer it to the picture. Everyone takes a seat.
GWB: So, what brings you to the White House today?
AD: We have this problem with our permit for our annual San Francisco cart festival.
GWB: I like golf carts. I ride in them all of the time.
AD: So does my spiritual master.
GWB: Great minds think alike. What's his handicap?
AD: Seven.
GWB: Impressive. So how can I help with your problem?
AD: They let us have the permit for the tank for our Deities to ride upon, but they have turned down our application for the caravan of Humvees for our leaders to ride in. This is not acceptable. It creates a security problem for us.
GWB: I know all about security problems. Did they give you a reason for denying your application?
AD: They said that we could not have the vehicles in the parade because of the automatic weapons mounted on the roof.
GWB: What do you need such heavy fire power for?
AD: We never know when our leaders might be fired upon. Plus, there might be Al Qaeda agents out to assassinate them, on account of our Hindu roots.
GWB: So in other words, you're saying that Bin Laden or one of his top men might be at the parade and you might be able to take him out for us?
AD: That's exactly what I'm saying, Srila, I mean Mr. President.
GWB: That's enough for me. I'll have your permit for you by the end of the week.
AD: Thank you so much, Mr. President.
GWB: Anything for my voters.
August 8, 2002
The following is a NEHKE exclusive transcript of an Oval Office conversation between President Bush and Annoutami Dasi.
Secret Service Agent: Mr. President, the Hare Krishna people are here to see you.
GWB: What are Al Qaeda doing in the building' What's going on'
Secret Service Agent: They are not terrorists. They are from that religious organization. You know - the people that collect money in airports.
GWB: Oh. Yeah right. I mean, of course I know that. I'm just trying to keep you guys on your toes. Can never be to careful you know. [Chuckles] All right send them in, but stay close in case they try anything.
Annoutami Dasi and her male secretary enter and fall at Mr. Bush's feet as he extends his hand.
Annoutami Dasi and secretary in unison: nama om vishnu padaya...
GWB: Hey you can't do that in here, this is the Oval Office, for God's sake.
Secret Service Agent: It's ok, Mr. President. It's their standard protocol when dealing with government representatives.
Annoutami Dasi's secretary holds out a bag of pretzels.
AD: This is holy food from our temple, Mr. President. Please accept it as our gift.
GWB: I like pretzels. Thank you. Would you like a cigar with the presidential seal on it'
AD: Yes, please.
Mr. Bush hands each of them one. AD's secretary starts to light his and AD knocks it out of his hand.
AD: You fool! That has not been offered yet!
AD takes out a little picture of her guru, proceeds to light her cigar and offer it to the picture. Everyone takes a seat.
GWB: So, what brings you to the White House today?
AD: We have this problem with our permit for our annual San Francisco cart festival.
GWB: I like golf carts. I ride in them all of the time.
AD: So does my spiritual master.
GWB: Great minds think alike. What's his handicap?
AD: Seven.
GWB: Impressive. So how can I help with your problem?
AD: They let us have the permit for the tank for our Deities to ride upon, but they have turned down our application for the caravan of Humvees for our leaders to ride in. This is not acceptable. It creates a security problem for us.
GWB: I know all about security problems. Did they give you a reason for denying your application?
AD: They said that we could not have the vehicles in the parade because of the automatic weapons mounted on the roof.
GWB: What do you need such heavy fire power for?
AD: We never know when our leaders might be fired upon. Plus, there might be Al Qaeda agents out to assassinate them, on account of our Hindu roots.
GWB: So in other words, you're saying that Bin Laden or one of his top men might be at the parade and you might be able to take him out for us?
AD: That's exactly what I'm saying, Srila, I mean Mr. President.
GWB: That's enough for me. I'll have your permit for you by the end of the week.
AD: Thank you so much, Mr. President.
GWB: Anything for my voters.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Hare Krishnas Worship the Loch Ness Monster
July 18, 2002
Loch Ness, Scotland
The Hare Krishnas were out in force here today, doing their big puja cermemony to the Loch Ness Monster. They believe that he is actually the legendary Kaliya serpent mentioned in their sacred Hindu bible.
They attempted at one point to tie up a local Protestant minister as a human sacrifice to the elusive creature, but a band of drunken Scottish golfers rescued the poor fellow. They then proceeded to harrass the local wildlife instead, throwing pieces of unleavened whole wheat bread at them and scaring the bejesus out of them in the process.
Scotland Yard sent out investigators to make sure there were no Al Qaeda operatives that might have infiltrated the Krishnas. In the end they just issued citations for littering to the few stragglers that were on the premises at sunset.
Loch Ness, Scotland
The Hare Krishnas were out in force here today, doing their big puja cermemony to the Loch Ness Monster. They believe that he is actually the legendary Kaliya serpent mentioned in their sacred Hindu bible.
They attempted at one point to tie up a local Protestant minister as a human sacrifice to the elusive creature, but a band of drunken Scottish golfers rescued the poor fellow. They then proceeded to harrass the local wildlife instead, throwing pieces of unleavened whole wheat bread at them and scaring the bejesus out of them in the process.
Scotland Yard sent out investigators to make sure there were no Al Qaeda operatives that might have infiltrated the Krishnas. In the end they just issued citations for littering to the few stragglers that were on the premises at sunset.
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