Washington D.C.
August 8, 2002
The following is a NEHKE exclusive transcript of an Oval Office conversation between President Bush and Annoutami Dasi.
Secret Service Agent: Mr. President, the Hare Krishna people are here to see you.
GWB: What are Al Qaeda doing in the building' What's going on'
Secret Service Agent: They are not terrorists. They are from that religious organization. You know - the people that collect money in airports.
GWB: Oh. Yeah right. I mean, of course I know that. I'm just trying to keep you guys on your toes. Can never be to careful you know. [Chuckles] All right send them in, but stay close in case they try anything.
Annoutami Dasi and her male secretary enter and fall at Mr. Bush's feet as he extends his hand.
Annoutami Dasi and secretary in unison: nama om vishnu padaya...
GWB: Hey you can't do that in here, this is the Oval Office, for God's sake.
Secret Service Agent: It's ok, Mr. President. It's their standard protocol when dealing with government representatives.
Annoutami Dasi's secretary holds out a bag of pretzels.
AD: This is holy food from our temple, Mr. President. Please accept it as our gift.
GWB: I like pretzels. Thank you. Would you like a cigar with the presidential seal on it'
AD: Yes, please.
Mr. Bush hands each of them one. AD's secretary starts to light his and AD knocks it out of his hand.
AD: You fool! That has not been offered yet!
AD takes out a little picture of her guru, proceeds to light her cigar and offer it to the picture. Everyone takes a seat.
GWB: So, what brings you to the White House today?
AD: We have this problem with our permit for our annual San Francisco cart festival.
GWB: I like golf carts. I ride in them all of the time.
AD: So does my spiritual master.
GWB: Great minds think alike. What's his handicap?
AD: Seven.
GWB: Impressive. So how can I help with your problem?
AD: They let us have the permit for the tank for our Deities to ride upon, but they have turned down our application for the caravan of Humvees for our leaders to ride in. This is not acceptable. It creates a security problem for us.
GWB: I know all about security problems. Did they give you a reason for denying your application?
AD: They said that we could not have the vehicles in the parade because of the automatic weapons mounted on the roof.
GWB: What do you need such heavy fire power for?
AD: We never know when our leaders might be fired upon. Plus, there might be Al Qaeda agents out to assassinate them, on account of our Hindu roots.
GWB: So in other words, you're saying that Bin Laden or one of his top men might be at the parade and you might be able to take him out for us?
AD: That's exactly what I'm saying, Srila, I mean Mr. President.
GWB: That's enough for me. I'll have your permit for you by the end of the week.
AD: Thank you so much, Mr. President.
GWB: Anything for my voters.
Showing posts with label prasada. Show all posts
Showing posts with label prasada. Show all posts
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Florida Mass Poisoning Taxes Local Emergency Rooms
June 25, 2002
Alachua, FL
Local hospitals are overburdened with victims of an incident that occurred over the weekend at the center run by the International Society of Krishna Conscience. 119 persons became violently ill over the course of the afternoon Sunday during an outdoor festival. Their symptoms were all similar and included vomiting and diarrhea.
Public health officials first suspected salmonella, but that has now been ruled out. Yesterday a youth, aged 15, came forward and confessed that he had added cow manure to a batch of yogurt drink that had been served. He claims that he did not intend to harm anyone, but was only acting on the books of his spiritual master, which teach that cow dung is pure and sacred. He reasoned that he was only making the sacred remnants of food and drink offered to his God even more sacred by adding this new 'secret ingredient'.
The youth was not charged, but the court has ordered that he report to a local mental health facility for psychological evaluation, pending a formal hearing. All of the victims are reportedly in fair to good condition and several have already been released.
Mr. John Lotusfoot, spokesman for the sect made an official statement to the press on Monday, in which he stated, 'We have never had a policy of serving cow manure, or any other kind of manure for that matter to the public. The boy in question acted entirely on his own in this and was never authorized by an adult to engage in this type of activity.' The manure apparently had been used in a religious ceremony earlier in the day and police are considering charging the management of the center with criminal negligence and improper handling of hazardous waste.
Florida governor Jeb Bush this morning in an official press release said, "We do not have faniacial cults in this state. This was not another Waco. The situation is under control and there have been no links to any Al Qaeda operatives established. But I assure you that we are investigating all leads. I spoke with the President this morning and his prayers go out to the families of the victims."
Alachua, FL
Local hospitals are overburdened with victims of an incident that occurred over the weekend at the center run by the International Society of Krishna Conscience. 119 persons became violently ill over the course of the afternoon Sunday during an outdoor festival. Their symptoms were all similar and included vomiting and diarrhea.
Public health officials first suspected salmonella, but that has now been ruled out. Yesterday a youth, aged 15, came forward and confessed that he had added cow manure to a batch of yogurt drink that had been served. He claims that he did not intend to harm anyone, but was only acting on the books of his spiritual master, which teach that cow dung is pure and sacred. He reasoned that he was only making the sacred remnants of food and drink offered to his God even more sacred by adding this new 'secret ingredient'.
The youth was not charged, but the court has ordered that he report to a local mental health facility for psychological evaluation, pending a formal hearing. All of the victims are reportedly in fair to good condition and several have already been released.
Mr. John Lotusfoot, spokesman for the sect made an official statement to the press on Monday, in which he stated, 'We have never had a policy of serving cow manure, or any other kind of manure for that matter to the public. The boy in question acted entirely on his own in this and was never authorized by an adult to engage in this type of activity.' The manure apparently had been used in a religious ceremony earlier in the day and police are considering charging the management of the center with criminal negligence and improper handling of hazardous waste.
Florida governor Jeb Bush this morning in an official press release said, "We do not have faniacial cults in this state. This was not another Waco. The situation is under control and there have been no links to any Al Qaeda operatives established. But I assure you that we are investigating all leads. I spoke with the President this morning and his prayers go out to the families of the victims."
Friday, December 26, 2008
Hare Krishnas Go On Rampage in Orlando
July 16, 2002
Orlando, FL
A man was attacked in the Magic Kingdom parking lot yesterday by three Hare Krishna followers dressed as Disney characters. They held the man down at gunpoint and proceeded to force feed him food that they believe to be sacred on account of being offered to Hindu gods in a special sacrifice. The victim, Robert Manson, is a paralegal for the law offices of Dallas attorney Swindle Turdley.
Apparently the Krishna devotees went on a rampage after a recent lawsuit filed by Turdley's firm in a central Florida court last week. The suit, which represents two women's groups, MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Drivers) and WAPE (Women Against Penis Envy), alleges that the organization is in breach of contract over women's rights in their Alachua, Florida temple.
One woman ex-member testified in court that the current temple president is actually a man dressed up as a woman. She claims that she discovered this fact during a daily ritual wherein the whole congregation bows done in prayers that are shouted at the top of their lungs. When she looked over she saw the president's wig fall off and a grapefruit come tumbling out of his brassiere, which he quickly replaced before anyone would notice. When she brought this to the attention of other members of the congregation, the president found out and had her banned, claiming that she was under the influence of the Hindu goddess Maya (the goddess of illusion).
MADD became a party to the suit on account of one of their members spotting the president weaving in traffic. She told reporters, 'The Krishnas claim that she, or he or whatever it is was just in a state of ecstasy and temporarily out of control of the vehicle. But, I know a drunk driver when I see one.'
The temple president in question was recently appointed to the position as a concession to demands by women's rights advocates among the congregation. Police are following all leads in pursuit of the suspects and have asked residents of the Orlando area to report any sightings of people in costume dressed as Mickey, Minnie and Goofy wielding semi-automatic weapons.
Orlando, FL
A man was attacked in the Magic Kingdom parking lot yesterday by three Hare Krishna followers dressed as Disney characters. They held the man down at gunpoint and proceeded to force feed him food that they believe to be sacred on account of being offered to Hindu gods in a special sacrifice. The victim, Robert Manson, is a paralegal for the law offices of Dallas attorney Swindle Turdley.
Apparently the Krishna devotees went on a rampage after a recent lawsuit filed by Turdley's firm in a central Florida court last week. The suit, which represents two women's groups, MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Drivers) and WAPE (Women Against Penis Envy), alleges that the organization is in breach of contract over women's rights in their Alachua, Florida temple.
One woman ex-member testified in court that the current temple president is actually a man dressed up as a woman. She claims that she discovered this fact during a daily ritual wherein the whole congregation bows done in prayers that are shouted at the top of their lungs. When she looked over she saw the president's wig fall off and a grapefruit come tumbling out of his brassiere, which he quickly replaced before anyone would notice. When she brought this to the attention of other members of the congregation, the president found out and had her banned, claiming that she was under the influence of the Hindu goddess Maya (the goddess of illusion).
MADD became a party to the suit on account of one of their members spotting the president weaving in traffic. She told reporters, 'The Krishnas claim that she, or he or whatever it is was just in a state of ecstasy and temporarily out of control of the vehicle. But, I know a drunk driver when I see one.'
The temple president in question was recently appointed to the position as a concession to demands by women's rights advocates among the congregation. Police are following all leads in pursuit of the suspects and have asked residents of the Orlando area to report any sightings of people in costume dressed as Mickey, Minnie and Goofy wielding semi-automatic weapons.
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