Hare Krishna Preacher Attempts to Expand His Flock

August 10, 2002
San Diego, CA

Zookeeper Charles Dalton began his early morning chores as usual this morning, but was in for a surprise when he went into the ape house to serve breakfast to the primates. He heard a young girl shouting to her parents, 'Look Mommy, Daddy that one ape has a ponytail.' Dalton looked over in their direction and spotted a naked Hare Krishna monk sitting on the branch of one of the fake trees and giving a sermon to an orangutan named Susie. 'You are not this body. You are a spirit soul. You need to give up this maya and shave up and move into the temple.' he heard the monk telling the ape, who just picked lint from the monk's eyebrows and sniffed his butt, oblivious to the words of wisdom.

Dalton shouted, 'Hey what the hell are you doing in there!' The monk shouted out in alarm, 'Quick, the demons have spotted us. We must make our escape!' and started tugging at the large ape's arm. Susie took this as an invitation for play and began wrestling with the monk, who kept shouting, 'No, you don't understand. I am here to liberate you from the cycle of birth and death and show you the way back to Godhead!' Dalton summoned some other zookeepers to help him separate the two and they tied up the monk with some rope and called the police. The monk, Banara Das, 25, has been charged with trespassing and public indecency.

Hare Krishna Stages Nude Protest at Nation's Capital

Washington, D.C.
September 6, 2002

Hare Krishna activist Puranjana Das was arrested here earlier today, along with thirty female prostitutes, for parading down a major street in a nude protest of the impending war on Iraq that President Bush is making a case for in the Congress and the United Nations. The protestors carried signs denouncing child molester gurus as well as the current U.S. government.

One of the prostitutes, who apparently is a spokesperson for the group, told reporters that the issue is that the president's war on terrorists and governments that support and harbor them is misplaced and that the real villains are homosexual gurus that prey on children. She added that they would continue the naked protests in various major cities throughout the nation until the people and the government come to their senses and realize where the true priorities lie. Finally she said that her pierced nipples are an expression of spirituality and her solidarity with Puranjana Das, who also has pierced nipples.