Hare Krishna Extremist Under Investigation

July 25, 2002
Washington, D.C.

The Director of the CIA released a report to the press earlier today that reveals that Hare Krishna extremists are currently under investigation for allegedly sending hidden messages in crop circles around the globe.

Intelligence agencies from several different countries have pieced together evidence that the Krishnas have been hatching an elaborate plot for world domination over the past couple decades. This plan involves instituting a Hindu type caste system with Hare Krishna gurus as the new kings of the world. There are also taking very seriously the theory that the Krishnas are in collaboration with space aliens that are very much interested in colonizing the earth.

Purchases of black market nuclear warheads that have been missing from arsenils in the former Soviet Union have been traced to some of the extremist leaders that also have been publishing leaflets with neo-Nazi propaganda and dropping them on various European cities from small aircraft. It is not clear what they intend to do with the weaponry, but certain sources have leaked a plot to build a mythical weapon known as the brahmastra, which is mentioned in the Hindu epic poem Mahabharata, which is about an ancient war in India.