Hare Krishnas Open Nude Beach

Miami, Florida
July 3rd, 2002

Police arrested a man for misdemeanor assault at a beach north of here this morning. The suspect, Mr. J. Das, 27, allegedly threw buckets of ice water on three young women because he was offended by their toplessness on the beach. Because the beach is private property, the three women were not in violation of local ordinances against public display of female breasts.

The oceanfront property, owned by rap recording artist Mocha Loco, was opened for used by the public last month and signs were posted at each entrance advertising 'clothing optional recreation and free food'. Although the lavish beach house is still owned by Mr. Loco, the beach itself was donated to the local Hare Krishna temple as a tax write-off. In a ploy to attract potential recruits the Krishnas posted the signs, which in fine print at the bottom (which is unreadable without standing ten inches away) state that clothing optional only applies to dogs and cows.

The Krishnas have a bull and three cows penned up behind the beach house. In the first week the beach was opened to the public the bull broke out of his fenced enclosure and charged a group of nude volleyball players that were using a bright red ball. None of the nudists were injured, however the bull punctured the ball with his sharp horns and one of the naked volleyball athletes threw a rock through Mr. Loco's patio door, causing five hundred dollars damage.

In a statement to reporters, Mr. Loco said, 'I like the veggie food the Krishnas pass out, but they tricked me with this whole nude beach scam. I was expectin' to be takin' in some vistas of fine young female skin under the sun, but every time the foxy babes take it off, one of them bald headed crazies has to run 'em off the property. I just ain't right!'