Hare Krishna Spy Stows Away on Space Shuttle

August 7, 2002
Cape Kennedy, FL

The space shuttle crew discovered a stowaway on a recent mission to upgrade the Hubble telescope.

An astronaut told reports, 'I was doing a routine system when I noticed this shaved head with a little pony tail on it sticking out from among some Ethernet cables behind one of the onboard computers, so I yanked on the pony tail and he started screaming Hindu incantations at me. We tied him up and turned him over to authorities upon landing. He must have thought he was getting closer to his god by going into orbit with us.'

The stowaway, V. Das, 22, was expelled from several Hare Krishna schools for refusing to take his Ritalin for hyperactivity and joined an international terrorist faction within the organization that claims no ties to the official governing committee, the GBC, but intelligence agencies suspect that the GBC secretly authorized the formation of the extremist faction, mainly to spy on rival religious sects to dig up dirt on them and threaten them with violence should they ever criticize the Hare Krishna corporation ISKCON.

Das would not disclose the details of his secret mission, but agents that questioned him think he was attempting to discredit NASA based on the writings of his spiritual master, who thought that NASA faked not only the moon landings but all of its space programs since the beginning. However, apparently he thought the Russian space program was genuine and that Hitler was actually a benign ruler that was merely maligned by political enemies for being too powerful.