Hare Krishnas Worship the Loch Ness Monster

July 18, 2002
Loch Ness, Scotland

The Hare Krishnas were out in force here today, doing their big puja cermemony to the Loch Ness Monster. They believe that he is actually the legendary Kaliya serpent mentioned in their sacred Hindu bible.

They attempted at one point to tie up a local Protestant minister as a human sacrifice to the elusive creature, but a band of drunken Scottish golfers rescued the poor fellow. They then proceeded to harrass the local wildlife instead, throwing pieces of unleavened whole wheat bread at them and scaring the bejesus out of them in the process.

Scotland Yard sent out investigators to make sure there were no Al Qaeda operatives that might have infiltrated the Krishnas. In the end they just issued citations for littering to the few stragglers that were on the premises at sunset.